We’re going to be taking a family vacation to Australia next year, so I was poking around the ol’ world-wide web yesterday, checking out a few AirBnB options in the town we’ll be travelling to.

This was a first for me. Being extremely behind the times, AirBnB is one of those modern conveniences that still gets filed under “new-fangled wizardry” in my mind.*

I’ll tell you what though, as a first-time user, I was pretty impressed with the concept. It was cool seeing how each home had its own unique floor plan and accommodations.

In fact, I was so taken with the idea that, after getting back from a recent outreach trip, I’ve decided to go ahead and list an AirBnB of my own!

The Perfect Tropical Get-Away!

Newly constructed for visiting Bible teachers, this little gem is located a mere stone’s throw from the absolute middle of nowhere! If you were to, say, hike from the village you normally live in, you would probably be able to get there in a meager 7 hours. (This, of course, assumes that the village you normally live in is around 15 miles from this location. And that you do not get bitten by a crocodile while en route.)

Along with its modern, open floor plan (100% open, actually), it also boasts an interior floor that mostly covers the whole living space (except for a meter or two on one end), a veranda that, to date, has only had one guest fall through it, and a thatched roof that only has two significant leaks!

By keeping the unit free of even the most basic pieces of furniture, this house can easily sleep 8. Just tie up your mosquito net (no pesky windows or door on this rustic beauty!), spread out your bed sheet, and settle yourself down for a bit of shut-eye. There’s nothing quite like the ambiance of a jungle village to lull a traveler to sleep! (Fun fact: Did you know that roosters commonly crow in the middle of the night?)

For those guests who prefer spacious bathing areas, you will especially enjoy the property’s spa facilities! Let your worries wash away as you bask in the pristine, chocolate milk-hued waters of this nature-themed get-away. (Don’t let your worries wash TOO far away though, as the current has been known to occasionally suck locals away and drown them.)

Feel at one with nature (and whatever strangers happen to walk by) as you soap up directly beside one of the village’s main thoroughfares. Feel even MORE at one with nature as you sink down in the mud and feel some of nature’s little helpers attack your toes like you are made of fried chicken. Nature sure is the best!

For other “bathroom needs” it is recommended that you use the facility’s outhouse, which is located about 50 meters back in the jungle behind the dwelling. And, technically, when we reference the “facility’s outhouse,” we really mean the “facility’s neighbor’s outhouse,” because the facility doesn’t actually have an outhouse of its own. The neighbor is totally cool with it though.

To help guests truly appreciate the naturalness of their jungle locale, the outhouse has been constructed sans door. At least, we think that is why it was constructed that way. Otherwise, we have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA why someone would go through the trouble of building such a structure, only to leave a HUGE GAPING HOLE in the side of the wall FACING THE TRAIL to the outhouse.

If more sensitive guests find this unorthodox architectural styling to be a little worrisome, then they need only hum loudly to themselves while using the facility, or perhaps sporadically fake loud coughing fits, to alert potential passersby to their occupancy. It should also be noted that, though coconut husks may be provided, management does not guarantee their availability, and it is recommended that guests come prepared with their own TP.

Perfect for the adventure-loving soul, you can expect a variety of locally-themed “continental breakfasts” each morning of your stay! Fire-roasted yams? Boiled sweet potatoes? Boiled fish? Some leaves? Perhaps, some of the crayfish that were nibbling on your toes as you bathed the day before? Prepare your palette for endless possibilities!

Please contact our property manager to book your stay at our “Hut Away From Home!”

*Also included in this category are ordering fast food via an app on your phone, using a tablet to pay for a meal at a Resturaunt, and anything to do with Uber.